


Slumber Kills but Falling is Faster

by BlooBlu



Series: TFANSIS Bonus Chapters [5]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Blood and Gore, But also needs to stop being so emotionally constipated, Coffee, Heavy Angst, Logan Needs A Hug, M/M, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-14 23:20:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21023885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlooBlu/pseuds/BlooBlu
Summary: Logan has nightmares, and a little too much to drink, and won't tell anyone. This gets a little out of control when he's at work, and he needs someone to pick him up and take care of him.Virgil will be there, even when it's hard.





	Slumber Kills but Falling is Faster

Nightmares were not an abnormal thing. They were similar to dreams - certain events or persistent thoughts in one's life lead to those things coming up in one's mind while converting events from short to long term memory in sleep. Some of these events are remembered in a bad light, and therefore may seem more frightening or gross in our subconscious.  
...Often times using logic to solve a problem can reduce fear or irrationality relating to the problem. But maybe nightmares are just too irrational, too… messy.

Logically, Logan could understand that what he had experienced was a traumatic event, one that would take time and effort to recover from. Logically, the first step would be to discuss it with someone, preferably Virgil - and identify just what he was feeling. Then actions to absolve these feelings would come naturally.

But… he also didn't believe that was the best idea. Virgil had gone through quite a harrowing experience as well, technically far more recently than Logan had. Keeping his soulmate happy and well far triumphed the need to get over a death that occured (177 years, 4 months, 13 days, and about 3 hours) nearly 200 years ago.  
There was no need to upset Virgil by telling him (Every time I see your face, I see him too. When we kiss, I remember all the ones I shared with Varion, every time you smile and laugh, just as he did, I feel like I'm falling in love all over again, but also like I'm dying-) about his own traumas. He could wait. Logan could sit by, and be a dedicated soulmate, and when Virgil was truly better, then they could talk about it. (Maybe.) 

So maybe he had nightmares that woke him in the middle of the night, gasping with his face already damp as he would either try to silence himself or walk out of the room so as not to disturb Virgil.   
Some (most) days he woke early and slept late because he knew that at some point, he would have to sleep again, and that would only welcome the horrors of his mind back into conscious thought.  
Coffee didn't taste as bad as it used to, at least. He knew of energy drinks and '5 hour energy shots' but wasn't going to risk his health like that yet . (Did anyone ever look at what was in those things, at the warning labels?!)

On days when he was free from work he would sit and read a book, to try and shake away his nerves. (He was a clerk at a quaint little library in town where half the staff were aging women with no sense of technology either and everyone who needed to look something up could do it themselves.) On days where he did have to work… the liquor cabinet would find itself just a little bit emptier, those mornings.  
He wasn't sure if Virgil ever noticed that or not. Neither of them drank very often, (at least not together) so maybe not. 

Today he found himself reshelving books - the Dewey Decimal system had proven an interesting way to classify things. Logan had memorized it fairly quickly and knew where most of their books were, down to the shelf. (At least as far as nonfiction and sci-fi went, he wasn't all that interested in fantasy or… adult novels, which they kept on the second floor.)  
It was fairly early - only 7am, and a Tuesday - so there weren't many people inside at the moment, since they wouldn't open for another hour. The small children and volunteers who read for them would not come until 4pm, and no large crowds would come today, most likely.  
Dolores, a lovely woman in her mid 60's, delighted in telling him about her children and grandchildren - she would soon be a great grandmother, apparently. Logan would listen, and in turn discuss his life with Virgil. Sometimes she would ask if they ever planned to adopt - and he would say that he was only 24 and Virgil was 19, kids would be a while coming.   
"Bah! I was 18 when I was pregnant with my first daughter, little Stella - you two need to hurry up so I can meet your kids before I fall over and die of old age!"  
Logan had heard this several times, and would, completely deadpan, tell Dolores that he was older than her and that she should respect her elders more. She, and others nearby would laugh, and Logan would never conform or deny to the kids if he was really 24 or just over 200.  
He really wasn't sure if his time as copper counted, as he wasn't really living, but also wasn't fully dead… well, Virgil and Patton said no and Thomas and Roman said yes, and he couldn't really ask anyone else for their opinions on the matter, anyway.  
He was nearly finished reshelving his second cart of books when the library opened officially, and he was suddenly struck with a blinding coldness. It felt like everywhere from the tips of his toes to the hairs on his head were frozen, and he would never ever be warm again- gone gone gone, he's gone they killed him why didn't they kill him too it was all his fault he was stupid he didn't think you're supposed to be the careful, one why didn't you think stupid stupid stupid WRONG-

"Logan? You alright there, hon? - you've been standing like that for a while now." 

"hhh…a.. wh..a.." Logan tried to speak, but it was more just like breathing out than actual language- he coughed a few times, and tried again-   
"I… I apologize. Got lost.. in my own head, I think."  
"You're looking a little pale- why don't I put these ones away for you and you go get some water, okay Logan?"  
"Yes. Yes, of course Mary."

Thinking traps. You're getting caught in thinking traps, again, Logan. Get a hold of yourself. What had even triggered that kind of- he stared at the book, still in his hand, that he'd accidentally walked away with. The front cover was a rather grotesque image of a man, bloody and mangled, reaching out towards the reader, as if crying for help. Just like-   
He left the book on a random table. He'd just go get a drink, like Mary said, and then go boot up the computers, like he'd meant to do after reshelving. No one would be coming to use them for a while, but since the computers were old and had to be shut off over night it was a work policy to turn them on before anyone came in so it would be easier to start them up- since patrons had to pay per twenty minutes to use them.

He made it as far as the staff room, before he had to sit down. His bag was right there but suddenly just 2 feet felt closer to a mile. He was tired, so tired, he'd been running so long, could he rest now? Not out of the woods yet, they're still looking- they took Varion and now they're coming for you-  
Dammit! More- another… what were they called again? He's stuck, is all he knows. Stuck in one moment, watching his love fall, reach out for him, "LOGAN, RUN! PLEASE, PLEASE JUST RUN IT'S TOO LATE JUST G-" blood, so much blood, they shoved a pitchfork right through his back, oh god why is there so much blood - black and inky under the night sky but red and bright against the torchlights- human, they're just human, they're people in love why did they have to die for that? Why, whywhywhy  
why-   
Logan felt faint. Dizzy and quite ready to take a nap, really- he's still cold, way too cold, and there's a headache coming on, he knows- maybe he's hungover. Did he drink last night? He'd had a double shot this morning but he did that fairly often and he was confident he wasn't a lightweight-   
"Hey Logan? Mary says you're not feeling well, I wanted to see if you need to head home early- Logan! You're absolutely pale - are you sick? If you come in here with a cold and get me sick, at my age-"  
More of Delores grumbling, mostly about him being 'an irresponsible brat', and she left the room. He's not sure what for, really. He's not sick. Why would he be sick, he was in excellent shape- Varion always says so.  
Before he knew it, Varion was there- right in front of him! Asking if he was alright- of course he was! Logan didn't know how to not be alright around his love.   
He was talking, he knew. Couldn't hear his own words, but that's okay. Varion is here!!! He's alive, and so pretty, and please don't ever go away again, don't scare me like you did, Varion- 

Oh, they were moving, now. Up, up, up and away! Gotta stand up, ohh woaaaah and they're falling now, fun-! They're moving, take a step, and another, and 3 and 4 and 5 and gotta keep, walkin, Lo- c'mon, please.  
He could want just fine! And now he's sitting again- and there's something across his chest- too tight, move it away, it's too tight, and what is around his neck it is choking him and it hurts and-

"I can take the tie off for you, Lo- but you gotta keep the seatbelts on? Okay, love? Please, stop moving-"

"Ooohhh Vary when did your voice get all deep and sexy, I'm supposed to be the hot one- I don't think that but that's what you said on our ann- a - ver - ser - y!"

"...I'm not Varion. It's me, Virgil. Remember, Lo? Virgil- I got you out of the statue.."

Virgil? Hmm…. Name sounds familiar and it makes Logan happy for some reason - and now they're moving and it feels nice and there's some fun bumps and he wants to sleep now…

"Okay Logan. You can sleep until we get home."

. . .

Logan woke up some time later, in his own bed. He couldn't really remember getting there, but he was fairly sure it hadn't been a nice trip. The last thing he could remember was Varion telling him to sleep. (That was probably Virgil, now that he thought about it. Had he called Virgil Varion? What was wrong with him?-)   
"Oh, you're up! Feeling any better, Lo?"

"Yes. Ah- I feel like an apology may be in order, I was foolish, and-"

"Logan, no. Don't apologize right now, okay?" Virgil moved to sit on the bed with him, putting a hand over one of Logan's.   
"Just… talk to me, please? What happened at work?" 

"I… it wasn't anything at work in particular, I don't think- I simply… got caught up in the past. Became lost in thoughts I didn't really want to think about, and combined with a lack of proper sleep, I believe it made me- er.. a little 'loopy'."

"You haven't been sleeping well? Why didn't you say something- do I snore really bad, are you drinking too much coffee, what-"

"No, no it's no one's fault, really. I have just been experiencing some rather… unpleasant, albeit altered, memories in my sleep."

"...you dreaming about Varion?"

"I… yes."

"You can talk to me about it, y'know. I won't get upset, you said we looked similar, when we first met. Is it… me? Am I upsetting you, because I-"

"Virgil, do not, for any length of time, blame yourself for my foolishness. I have been.. repressing my emotions and trying to 'tough it out', as it were. I did not wish to burden you with my problems when you yourself are still recovering. I see now that that didn't really work out."

"Repression is super bad, talking is better. That's what Emile says, remember? And they've got a degree so you can't argue with them about it." 

A brief laugh- they can take a break, sometimes. Just a second. 

"I… yes. I believe that would be beneficial. Talking, that is. Not- well, not right this moment, but.. soon. Deal?"

"Deal."

And all the best deals are sealed with a kiss- can't break those ones, ever.


End file.
